Eleven
months of the year, I bottle up my feelings inside,
Eleven
months of the year, I am okay, I am fine.
Eleven
months of the year, the walls are up high,
Eleven
months of the year, I don’t hear the monsters’ whispers.
Eleven
months of the year, I love the coldness of my heart,
Eleven
months of the year, I love the rational acts.
…
But there is still that one
month, I keep reminding myself
That I am a creature of emotions,
I let them unleashed.
This one month the year, I beat
myself down
For what I chose to abandon, for
what I left behind.
That one month of the year, my
inner hell takes over me,
That one month of the year, monsters
keep coming in.
That one month of the year is the
harshest punishment I get,
That one month of the year is my strength
test, over and over again.
That one month of the year, I keep
reliving my nightmares.
That one month of the year, my
fears keep me company.
That one month of the year, I am
besides myself,
That one month of the year is the
scariest one.
….
Eleven months of the year, I am
joyful from the outside.
Eleven months of the year, I am wreck
from the inside.
Eleven months of the year, I am
the mannequin - gorg and fun;
Eleven months of the year, I am
peace before storm, sea of calm.
….
All twelve months are amazing,
seasons rotating, ups and downs.
Only my year is different –
extreme blackness and blinding shine.
