27 November 2022

The Performace

 

When the curtains fall and the light hits the stage,

Don’t get nervous, let the show begin.

Perform like you never did, put on all masks.

First start with the face you have created for the happiness

You have never felt but faked as a masterpiece.

They have never grown to love it – make them angry.

Then switch to the sad face they adore,

Leave it there for a while, make them feel they won.

A good performance shows the face of the man given up,

Fallen victim of somebody’s dirty schemes.

Keep performing even if it’s hard, this stage is unusual.

It’s time to shift from pain to pleasure,

Show them so called slutty face, make them feel uncomfortable

For all the caused shame, for every gossip they have created

Keep giving them the lust blazing in your eyes.

And finally don’t forget to give them Hell,

Realize their scariest nightmares, make them feel insane.

Keep playing they are now your puppets,

Pull the strings even harder, you hold them in your palm.

Let them feel the tears shed when no one was around,

Let them feel the wounds they have inflicted,

Let them pay you every walk of pain.

Let them taste the bitterness of their pill.

Let them feel the weakness, let them feel incomplete.

But you are not a monster; you are not like them.

You are the fantasy of their sick and twisted minds,

You are projection of their deepest desires,

You are torturer, the head demon of their inner Hell.


26 November 2022

I am not the same as I used to be

 

I am not the same as I used to be.

I evolved to a new breed – cunning and cold.

I am not the same as I used to be,

I turned into a piece of ice –  beautiful and fragile,

But in nature what looks delicate is the vicious killer,

Merciless soul, no heart, pure surviving skills.

I am not the same as I used to be,

I remember the painful past,

The glimpses of the blinding light,

The forbidden darkness’ kisses,

The exhausting talks with the inner demons,

And the quarrels with the angels weak.

I can truly guarantee history won’t repeat itself,

I remember everything.

I keep the tokens of the previous lives,

I relieve the hidden memories every time I close my eyes.

My body keeps aching when I go back to those moments,

Vivid paintings of an artist unknown.

My soul vibrates with the sorrows and laughs from the past times of what I used to be,

She is no more – just a shadow lurking behind my back.

Her voice is so distant, never comes any closer.

Her music is that nostalgic sound from what is left behind,

I can barely hear the melody composed in the moments of unwanted weakness.

I am not the same as I used to be,

The heart is hardening; noone I believe.

The loneliness of past tense is the wanted present friend.

The future is unsure; why should I worry?

The darkness of the fragile mind and the innocence forgotten long ago

Keep creating moving stories, filling eyes with tears.

I am not the same as I used to be,

My angel and my demon merged into one face

And that face is ME.


18 November 2022

Nothing

 



In the privacy of my own room, I close the heavy eyes

The blackness follows…fully blind.

Raging storms outside,

Inside my heart - emotional gale.

Tears and rain drops are falling in sync again,

The War of elements is ramping inside and out.

My wounded soul is roaming lonely

Around the forgotten graveyard of painful thoughts.

The storm outside is over, the sun comes up.

However, my internal night is here, cold moonshine.

The Loneliness and the Darkness, my old friends

Joining forces till my bitter end.

I feel like I am dying, same old cycle,

Same old me, same old feelings,

Never-ending insecurities, mentally exhausted

Physically still good me.

 ...

The burden is too heavy, no one understands.

Or maybe the illusionist in me

Is very well equipped to present my alternative reality.

Or maybe I am too good painter, using all the palettes too well

That the picture I have created is not looking like well curated facade.

Or maybe the composer in me used the best notes

To create the hypnotizing song to confuse all living souls.

 ...

I am neither sad nor happy,

I am neither tired nor well- rested,

I am neither all nor nothing,

I am neither good nor bad…

It’s just all those feelings buried deep inside.

Emptiness is neither curse nor blessing,

Black-and-white does not exist,

It’s all a matter of my own perception

Accompanied with a pinch of grief.