The Familiar Game of Chess

 

Welcome to my paradise full of pain and deception.

I have created it for you just to feel as if you are home.

Look around the green grass full of painful memories

That you have left and then disappeared.

Look at the river of salty tears,

Those I shed when you kept repeating the same mistakes

Thinking I will never notice, I am not blind.

Take a look around, it’s all you like – a peaceful land.

The trees are made of the lies you have told me

And made me believe they were reality which awaits me.

No need to thank me, I am learning from the best.

Take your morning walk on the pavement built from all the emotions

You made me feel – this is the reason why the road is so bumpy.

You have made me think that I am the one at fault.

Could it be more cruel?

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Now welcome to my hell full of truths and fallen masks.

This is how my home looks like – ugly and unpredictable

Just like you made me feel.

I have come to take your soul back to where it is supposed to be,

Reliving all you did to me, this time you are on the burning chair.

I can watch how I break your heart to little pieces,

I can suck all the liveliness from your soul.

And then I will shamefully try to make it as if it is okay to suffer.

All in reverse – I torture you and you stay silent trying to understand

What you have done this time or I am the insane.

These mind games are fun, I didn’t realize it back then.

Hell or heaven, different points of view.

Some people feed on smiles, others on tears.

Who is the predator and who is the prey?

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Love is a game of chess; we are the figures on the black-and-white board.

Every move is important – you either win or lose.

Until you learn how to play it, don’t think of getting any trophy.

Every loss costs a piece of you, being damaged is the aim.

Every win costs a piece of your sanity 

– good or bad, the outcome is the same.

You are either hero or a villain, no in-between.

It’s up to us if we want to break it even - no damage done

Or keep playing to feel the bizarre pleasure of being hurt.

…

And now you know why I am so out of my mind,

I am not the sweet sunshine, devil in disguise.

I have paid the price of being the losing side,

I have enjoyed the pain, I have nothing left to gain.

Shame, fear, tears, broken soul – it’s all in the past.

Let me show you the other side of me

Where I am the winner and you are the one in agony.

The Three Circles of Shame

 

Have you ever felt drained from all the mundane tasks?

Have you ever felt the torment of your existence?

Have you ever felt the same even after deadly storms and beautiful disasters?

Have you ever felt insane just by looking at your reflection in the dirty mirror?

Have you ever felt abandoned even if you are surrounded by your people?

Have you ever felt the cold touch of some invisible hand?

Have you ever felt that your brain is at the verge of its rational resistance?

Have you felt alone walking though the thorny road in search of answers

If you were broken-born or you are a product of the damaged ones?

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Have you ever noticed the first sign – the isolation is your power,

Pushing everyone aside, making them feel worthless, useless?

Have you ever felt the joy of feeling annihilated, shattered, damaged

And with a smile on your face accepting that you are wicked?

Have you ever noticed the second sign – the pain doesn’t kill you,

What is dead cannot be killed or resurrected, a shameful sin?

But you are not bothered how you are the odd one in the crowd of copy-paste,

You don’t mind to stand tall while the others are falling.

Have you ever noticed the third sign – you don’t care if the world crumbles beneath your feet,

You are ready to face the Death – not like an enemy, more like a friend?

Have you ever felt like the villain of your own story?

No, you are not creature of unsound mind, you promised yourself never again.

…

Three signs, three oddities – these are part of us all.

What does it mean you are whole?

Three traits of disturbed soul, overburdened from all loss and gain

Throughout a lifetime of impossible expectations, a lifetime full of pain.

Three characteristics dark, hidden in the depths of every soul.

Some hide them, some express them with a heart full of pride and joy!