I am walking the streets once familiar,
Filled with
cherished memories
Now I feel
them faded, barely existing in my head.
I loved
those cobblestones streets,
Now so indifferent
to me – foreign under my steps.
Once I dreamt
of living there till my walk on this world comes to an end,
Now I feel
nothing – mo magic, no happiness, no belonging.
You are
so ancient yet so alien – I don’t see myself spending a day more here.
…
Unlike you
I am changed,
You are
so unmoved, yet I keep going.
The same
bells disrupting the silence every Sunday at 7 am,
Same cold
winter wind sings its songs every morning from October to December.
I tried
to belong to you, I felt you crawling under my skin
Desperate
to find my place under the sun, yet I was mistaken.
I carved
my name into your vast history,
Yet I will
stay unknown like an ancient concubine into the emperor’s harem.
Fourteen
years yet I feel like I am visiting you,
Even though
I know every path ant turn by heart,
My shadow
engraved into the pavements as if I am part of you,
A stranger
to a place I once called home,
The lights
from the windows don’t feel warm.
All those
benches are sitting next to the river,
I meet
with friends in those cafes, yet the same places do not bring more familiarity.
…
I speak
your language but my soul is not one with yours
My roots
cannot live here, nor anywhere else – I am visitor wherever I go.
You keep
your rhythm so slow paced,
My heart
dances under the melody of different drums.
Your silences
weigh on my heart like a boulder,
My light
doesn’t shine with your intensity.
Your stillness
cannot stop the movements I have been craving lately.
I hoped
for understating and a happy life –
This nativity
slipped through your cracks like the water spills from my hands.
You leave
me shapeless, lost and forgotten between the names you love more.
The more
I stay here, the more I drift into your limbo,
Caught between
fake belonging and honest departure -
A familiar
stranger walking the historical streets which never called my name.
…
I hoped
the time I spent there will make you mine
But it
only showed me how wrong I am – no match for these narrow passages.
You will
outlast me, standing still from ancient times till now.
And I am
receding – a name that never settled,
A story
which I left unclaimed.
