In the middle of the endless night I sit forgotten,
Never imagined my life as a wreck,
Never imagined to feel like I am a failure.
And yet here I am, doubting everything I am,
Question myself if I am still me.
Deconstructing my beliefs, my thoughts, my taste,
My likes and dislikes as if I am a puzzle,
I start anew building up myself with better walls
this time.
After every fall is harder to be close to what I used
to know.
I am getting better as a builder – these walls are
pure perfection.
…
It all fell down – the innocence is long gone, the
eyes are sparking with the devil’s flame.
The reflection in the mirror looks like me but she
is no more.
…
She is no longer like the sun shining bright for
all those who are close to me.
She is more like the moon – shines enough to show
the way and yet nothing is fully revealed.
She is no longer peaceful like the small river,
trying to find her way to the sea.
She is a full blown sea storm ready to sink the
ship regardless the cost.
She is no longer the soft wind which caresses
someone’s cheek.
She is a tornado ready to crumble every house on
her way.
She is no longer happy or angry, she is no longer
mad or disappointed.
She no longer feels, she doesn’t care who walks
out of her life – she is self-sufficient.
She can easily cut you out just because she
pleases if your presence is not a contribution to her life.
She is She-Wolf – walking thorny paths alone;
She is She-Demon – torturing them with her
silence; never gives explanation.
…
She is me – sometimes I feel her distant; sometimes
she is next to me.
Loneliness doesn’t bother me, I can remain silent
forever.
The reflection in the mirror shows my face but my
soul is not the same.
Sometimes I miss her, the child I was, the hope I had,
the dreams I dreamt.
But now I am different, my old desires are gone.
Cold hearted, calculating, emotionless and even
cruel,
I can safely use them to describe me – I can
finally adopt the words said about me.
This time is not the mark of disgrace they try to
enforce on me.
These are medals of honor for the battles I have survived.
Sometimes the only way to battle all your demons
is to embrace them
And make the Hell you are going through your comfortable
home.
…
She is me and I am her – Ying and Yang of one’s
soul.
Gentle or cruel – it’s you who picks the side you meet!
