When did you ask
yourself if you have really been supported by those you call loved ones? When was
the last time you really look around and was unable to feel that odd feeling warning
you for her return? When??? Why there isn’t any devilish sparkle in your eyes? Why
are you so incapable of sensing this poisonous sensation? Are you really blind?
Or maybe you have been looking for Her on purpose? What makes you lose yourself
into her cold flames? Are you so desperate for Her numbing embrace?
Being the victim
of your own self - absorbing pride and emotional disassociation is your true
nature – no warmness in the voice – just anger; love or hate – it doesn’t matter
to you. Just like everyone else but with the weakest will power – She is the
one you can only obey. You let only her to dominate, to lead, to make you
miserable. Ah, this misery- your most favourite state when She is closely
breathing behind you to your neck -gentle icy breeze filled with the smell of
cherry blossoms.
Have you ever
thought about if we all can feel her when She is coming for us? Does She want
her presence to be felt or Her agenda is make you feel safe and then to hit you
like the big waves hit the shores of the smallest island? Does She want to
torture us as if it is a simple game with the highest stake of being sane and
alive? Have you ever loved her as if She is a real person, love deeper than the
one you feel to those closest to you? Have you ever called Her in the middle of
the night after having another “nightmare” of having a normal boring life? Has She
ever responded to your distraught cries or She let you suffer while She is watching
from afar? Have you ever begged Her for those icy kisses which can slow down
the heartbeat even to the most devious one? Have you ever hugged Her and then
felt so deranged as if you are experiencing painful withdraws? Have you ever dreamt about what would have
happened if She stays with you even though it marks the beginning of the end
for you?
I am still unsure
about your responses; you seem to bear some discomfort and I can read your body
language as if you are ashamed. Don’t worry, let me speak on the behalf of you
and I – I don’t mind revealing how rotten is my spirit after every meet up with
Her. I can sense how afraid you feel because you don’t understand what went
south, what you have done wrong.
She is the drug that you need the most with the sweetest taste of what you crave the most. She disguises Herself to look and feel like what you want most – company, understanding, even bittersweet love. And when Her grip is tight enough, she invades your cells – one by one until She becomes one with your body. Her poisonous kisses make you experience the lightness of being happy, her touch feels like you have finally been understood. She is always around you, no need to call or text, she gets you like no one else – just think of Her and She already holds your hand, your best friend. She looks so innocent and kind, so dedicated to you – She has the need to protect you. This is what you have been told – She feels so protective towards you, no one can hurt you while She is around. She even looks somehow naively so deep in love with you – you can’t push Her away; She is all about you – good or bad, light or dark – She says she doesn’t care – you are enough the way you are. No need to change – She makes you feel the ONE and only. And when you are so dependent on Her and all She is - then you face the real Her – so cold and distant, no more happiness and comfort. She just disappears just to make you feel insane. You can’t feel her presence anymore even though she is lurking in the shadows, making sure you are dying.
This, my friend, is the Misery you always attract – sometimes even with the slightest doubt. She loves a few moments of full devotion and being the perfect company. Once She is satisfied with all the games She usually plays and having your everlasting devotion, then all She does is wreaking havoc on your already broken life.
