I am staring at my reflection in the
mirror cold
I don’t look alive nor dead –
just extremely powerless and old.
I feel like I have been living a borrowed
life
It’s so unfamiliar, it doesn’t feel like it belongs to me.
I bend my head; I cannot face my
own gaze;
I am confused – is this my real image?
I have forgotten who I am...
What was the purpose of this existence of mine?
I am staring at my reflection in the
mirror cold -
So painfully unknown, so
carefully disregarded.
I am so lost;
I don’t know when I obliterated my identity with such an ease
And in vain I keep screaming who am I?
Empty eyes – no spark detected –
robotic glaze;
Mouth deadly shut – stitches gently hug
the sealed lips – rag doll…
Is it because of the unspoken
anger I have been holding on for far too long?
It is the unbearable fear hidden behind every warm smile – Kabuki Mask so fragile?
Let me look into these eyes again – still barren
- And I keep asking who am I?
The pale face reflects it all –
where is my place beneath the summer sun?
Icy blue eyes – soulless with a
hint of self-harm, buried scarlet scars.
Let me circle back to the face -
a mare effigy of time passed – all is covered with filth and thorns.
I keep looking in the mirror so bewildered,
so mind-blown
How I missed the obvious signs of how slowly I am losing it all;
No happiness, no pain, no
memories, no dreams.
Whom to blame for this cruel
theft – is it me or someone else?
I keep staring in complete
disbelief,
I keep looking for the answers
but I am so tired of this game;
I am shattered, I keep falling apart bit by bit - again alone.
I am burned from the inside – all
is ashes, all is dust.
And the inner wind is spreading
every little piece I have left,
I can’t sustain further in this state any
longer, I am completely gone.
….
No fear and no pain, I am the one
to blame;
As the proverb says it – ashes to
ashes and dust to dust.
My emotionless reflection is my
burial ground, no need to commemorate it,
I don’t need symbolical grave
stone.
At least now I know who I am – Phoenix is my middle name.
After every struggle I keep
coming back stronger,
More agile to my inner torment, better than before.
And I will keep this dark mirror –
for my previous selves it means disaster;
For my new reincarnations it means HOPE.
