She was standing
still there on display of the big shop windows and watched the people passing
by – some of them smiled, others cried and some of them with the concerned and
worried faces. She was longing to feel the sweetness of the soul. She was
watching people day after day and her desires grew bigger. As for her face, it
remained porcelain white, expressionless and cold. People kept passing her by
because of her abnormal beauty.
These routine days
were endless until one day a small girl stopped in front of the window and
stared at her – dark-haired, fare face with big sad emerald green eyes, torn
clothes and dirty small hands. The small girl looked and smiled. Her dream was
to look like the doll – slender body, shiny dress and transparent glass-like
slippers – just like a princess from the fairy tales. She was smitten by the
doll’s flawless face. She looked at the price knowingly that she cannot afford
this beautiful doll and at the moment she realized that she could never have
it, tears kept on rolling her innocent face. She had the feeling that the doll’s
piercing blue eyes stared at her but they were empty, lacking compassion or any
emotions, beautiful drownings but just that. And just like that the girl left.
Suddenly the doll
felt pain as if a wooden steak went through her plastic ribcage. She thought what was this feeling. She had
never felt anything before and she was puzzled of the sudden change of her
boring and predictable days. During the next couple of days, the little girl
kept coming to visit her and to admire of her plastic beauty. A month passed by
and the girl finally came with enough money to buy this dream toy. And she
bought it.
The moment she
went out of the shop, the girl smiled with a bright face and huge smile. Her green
eyes looked even brighter on the sun. She could hear the music in her ears and
she happily skipped to the park and sat on a bench. There was a cardboard
covered in black plastic bags next to the bench. The little girl sat on the
bench holding tightly the doll in her tiny hands admiring the sunny day. and
out of nowhere, the doll spoke with a human voice:
-
What is the feeling of having a
soul? How does it feel to love and hate? How does it feel to be happy and sad?
Surprisingly, the doll
had picked the human language while they were passing by the store or they
entered in and shopped for gifts. These words were meaningless to her but she
was curious of their meaning. Then the little girl answered with a heavy voice:
-
My name is Lilly and you don’t want
to have a soul. You don’t really want to feel what is love or hate; you don’t want
to feel what I am feeling right now. However, I can tell you what is to feel
hunger and what is to feel well fed, what is sadness and what is happiness. I can
tell you everything.
The doll was excited
and shook her head agreeing to hear everything. Then Lilly continued:
-
I had everything a child could
wish for – a home – beautiful big house with tons of rooms, a family devoted to
me and making sure that I feel secure and carefree. But then Dolly, I am
calling you Dolly, then the life changed its course and took everything I have
hold dear. The fire broke and burned down my home and everyone in it. When I returned
to my home I only found ashes and nothingness. I was placed in one of those orphanages
where children without families live. But I hated it and I escaped. I chose to
live here, next to this bench begging for food and money, not knowing what the
next day is holding for me; not knowing if I am going to survive the night or
not. I am constantly mocked by the other people, those who have all they need. When
the nights are cold, I am shivering and wondering if I can make it through the
next day or not. But the worst pain of all is that I don’t have anyone to talk
to, to share, to feel secure with, to relive the carefree days oblivious about
any misfortune on the world – just be back to those happy days. However, days
passed and I lost my hope for better life. I guess it is what it is.
-
What is Hope, Lilly? I have
never heard about it.
-
Hope is this little thing
keeping us alive. When it’s hard, the Hope grows bigger and it dies alongside
our last dream departure. The hope gives us strength to face our fears and push
through the worst moments in our lives. Unfortunately, our lives are not like
the stories from the books – sometimes we don’t get our happily ever after, all
we get is endless desperation and sadness.
Once those words went out of the child’s mouth, she
started crying. The pain came back; the warm memories overtook for a while but
the harsh reality caught up and took the hopes away.
-
I want to possess a soul! – the
doll exclaimed, touched by the wisdom of the girl. – I want to be just like you
– to feel, to dream, to love and to feel sad. I want to buy the soul but I don’t
know where I can purchase it. I really want it.
Lilly
looked at her confused and amazed at the same time. She didn’t understand neither
how a doll can talk nor the passion and the desire to become a fragile human. She
was puzzled how a toy can be so thrilled for things that it can fathom.
The
day was over and the night sky was up. Lilly was tired from this day’s
interesting turn. She got in the “house” and laid her head on the makeshift
pillow, she covered herself and the doll with the old and dirty blanket and
fell peacefully asleep. Then Dolly got up on her perfect legs and went out of
the cardboard house and started
walking through the dark alleys of the park. She saw a bench, climbed up and
sat on it. She stared at the bright night sky and kept thinking about the soul
and how wonderful it would have been to have one. She was tired of how people
looked at her – a beautiful addition to every girl’s room. While she was
thinking about it, a falling star appeared on the sky. She had come to the
knowledge that if you see falling star and you wish for something, it will
become true.
…
Lilly
woke up on the next day. She couldn’t find the doll and her eyes were full of
tears, her heath sank – she was alone, again. Even though she had Dolly for a
day, she missed her – the first meaningful friend in such a long time. She felt
the time spent with the doll as a small glimpse of light during the blackness
of the moonless night – it appears once and never to return again. In the
meantime, the plastic beauty was laying beneath the bench – covered in dirt and
abandoned - still hoping to buy a soul
more than anything in this world.
