I bend my knees for you, I am unnaturally calm,
As my
palms are no longer joined in grace.
My whispers
now are not a devoted prayer
Before your
shrine I learnt to lose myself.
My head
is down, voice low – where are you?
Why am I
still calling you?
I am
lost in your temptation; there is no salvation for me.
Your sermons
were farthest from my truth,
Yet here
I am – worshiping the Queen of Hell herself.
And in
the darkness of your church I broke my vows,
Your altar
is in my dreams, summoning me every night at 9 pm.
Like a
wounded bird, I bleed for you when we are apart,
You are
the confession I will never make.
With a broken
spirit I stand at my weakest
So impatiently,
I look for you.
…
You are
the restless curse residing in my thoughts the moment your scent evaporates
from my skin,
You feed
on my last drop of sincere faith.
You are
the siren song I cannot escape,
You are
the fire I crave, leaving me hopeless – nothing more.
Oh, my cruel
devotion, every minute is the right time,
Crucified
below your body, I go mad.
Your silence
tattoos itself onto my skin with faint marks.
I meet
your muteness like a harmful withdrawal,
I kneel
until my knees forget how to stand,
I keep
praying to you until I am completely gone.
…
Your absence
confirms that the God is no longer listening,
Or maybe
he is only deaf to me.
Every
time I fall as an accomplice to your game, you call it mercy,
You
broke my soul so gently and now I ask for more.
Oh, my
sweet ruin, I can see through your disguise,
You gave
me the answer I never sought –
And here
I am, crawling, I am your unworthy dog.
You built
this church to save people, yet here I am – distraught
That I am
losing what little of me remains – still untold.
…
Your chapel
calls my name and I am already here,
Knowing damn
well that I won’t be spared for long,
Head down,
palms pressed – it was never a prayer.
The words
I speak were never meant to reach Heaven,
My voice
trembles the moment I hear yours.
Oh, my
only cruel truth, I have no lies left to tell you,
You sealed
my fate; I am so undone – my body answers yours,
The moment
I feel your presence – I am no longer lonely.
I kneel
for you the way I knelt for Him,
I keep
repeating the promises I no longer believe in,
This time
I pray for us to be the final encounter,
Before I
burn, delusional, in your quiet blaze.
Your shrine
has shackled me as if I am its sacrifice,
My broken
chants no longer echo where your lips find mine.
And in a
sacred hush I yield without a name,
My breath
unsteady, devotion lost countless times;
I look up at you – I choose to lose my afterlife.
