The Song of The Unnamed

Death of thousand cuts, pain deeper than the fresh wounds

Scars like medals of honor grace the body.

Is this the famous warrior or a wretch cursed by someone powerful?

Is this the promised saviour or the plague surfacing from the misery within?

…

Life like an ancient fairytale I relive every day -

Pages filled with pretentious heroism as if the world is only black and white;

Misunderstood villain with the best case ever plead losing sympathy just because.

And in this fantasy utopia I try to stay alert for all the misalignment

Shiny does not mean better – the brighter the colour more poisonous the creature.

Pointless cheers burden the throat yet the truthful whispers cost the tongue.

And here I stand engulfed by countless thoughts if these applauses are for victory to see it clear

Or another spectacle witnessing my inevitable fall.

Every smile feels insanely fake as if I am the brainless princess from the castle above,

Every act of kindness looks like calculated move.

Is the clear thought a sign of golden crown or finely forged shackles leaving invisible prints on the body?

Every face I’ve met I marked it mentally with the signs of the betrayal,

Loyalty is the impossible currency that everyone claims to posses yet the pouch is empty.

High demand yet hard to find.

This fairytale command for strong hero, yet no one really wants to pay the enormous cost.

Villains born out of necessity for opposition – who is the secret puppet master?

Every war I win feels like a compromise; every feast tastes like ash and dirt.

What if the world is dividing us into saints and monsters from an early age,

What if feel I am both yet neither feels close to my nature within?

What if the bright weather is just another mirage – poisonous air inhaled in every step I make?

What if I know I am going insane and yet I bravely chose this path?

What if the day is just a wishful thinking when I am prisoner in the darkest dungeon

And my eyes forgot the feel of sun rays?

What if this fantasy world is just my way to stay sane in a world extremely unhinged and deranged?

…

I close my eyes, tired I have decided to leave this story unfinished

Leaving the imagination to run wild as we all know the truth is not universal

Everyone has its own version like cover of a famous song.

And if I am fictional, I don’t need to find a bard to make a tune for me.

I prefer to stay a silent whisper on the lips of someone unknown.

A hero or a villain – I am unsure if I was ever real at all.

Quessence

 

A life measured in questions, each one heavier than the last.

…

Another story of unbecoming - words put in cold order

As if the pain will be tolerable for a day.

No medicine in the back pocket,

Waves of chill and heat dancing underneath the skin.

Another story of anger so well written,

No more polite conversations – let it out.

…

Growling screams so inhumanly, so abrasive.

Abstinence of happiness, fear overflowing the nervous system;

Every gesture is robotic – every action makes us increasingly undone.

Am I the only one fighting this unfortunate imbalance

Juggling between the darkness and lightness of my soul?

And yet so incomplete I feel minute by minute,

I am the only one at loss?

Walking on familiar streets yet I feel so foreign

Like an alien from outer space, so out of place

As if I am outlander banished from my home.

I can’t feel the coldness of the pouring rain,

The frigidness of the snow is no enemy to my skin,

The sun fires don’t leave marks on me anymore.

Am I still human or another human-made gadget clad in faux skin

Set free to roam the world and get better of reading human lives?

My head is spinning from too many questions, answers left unsaid;

I feel dizzy, panic mode unlocked.

Living and breathing puzzle, memories coming in riddles.

Where are the clues?

Surrounded by whispering shadows yet their voices never sound,

Staring at the reflection in the mirror – I cannot recall as mine.

I steal quick glance at my clock – time feels frozen – I am stuck?

I stand still on the solid ground and yet I feel the movement as if I am trying to walk through quicksand.

…

Surrounded by passers-by – no faces recognized, so crowded yet so empty.

I reach the end of the road, horror house in front waiting for its guests.

I stand motionless contemplating if I want to enter

I might end up in a world that doesn’t belong to me

And if I am welcomed, how will I realize if I am still me or lost for eternity?

Bonds Beyond Time and Place

 

A new season rolled out, a new year - almost passed.

Yet I find it hard to realize that the clock is ticking faster

Calendar changes like a blink of an eye – I am frozen back in time?

I find it hard to understand these concepts, my perception is not the same

I feel locked inside the prison of reality that bend the rules of the mundane life.

…

I question myself if I am way too lost in my thoughts and feelings,

Often cross-examine if I am stuck or maybe I went too far away.

And then I met you in our yearly gathering – I still feel the bonds so strong

Whatever uncertainty I had quickly vanished – I am almost me.

We sat with smiles bright, catching up excited – we have grown so much.

This friendship is like a spoon of honey to a bitter tea – add the sweetest gentle flavour

In the world bitterness and inner crises often left unsaid.

One conversation is enough to go back to what we believed when we entered this adulthood

A bit scared and confused yet so brave and sometimes even reckless,

Ready to fight in what we believed wholeheartedly.

Even when we were too naïve that the world is not a shitty place

We never backed down, side by side we pushed even harder

Eager to achieve what we wanted us to be – successful in what we found appealing

Ready to conquer in the impossible dreams.

Through hellish fires and snowy storms, we were each other’s rock – always there even if were on the brink of exhaustion, we chose to be the support system that cheers us regardless of our differences.

We chose to show up for one another, sometimes tired of the pressure, sometimes even ready escape.

…

15 years later I still see our cores so clear, a bit more serious, a bit more darkens, even beaten down at times.

And yet even though the life hasn’t always been so gracious, mercilessly painted on our souls and bodies

We stick to each other, genuine happiness for every milestone achieved.

For us the time weaves different – we are the mirrors that reflects the wins and struggles,

The hopes and even the wildest visions and fantasies.

As long as we stand by each other, we will always see growth with different lenses

From the girls with just ambitions to the women we have become – more stable and fulfilled,

Ready to face the impossible and still wild enough to keep dreaming, knowing what we need.

And most importantly fully capable to achieve whatever we decide the main goal this time is.

We keep it real to bones, we are always truthful to ourselves,

Bonds beyond time and place – four souls brought together by a chance –

A lasting friendship by choice.

Freedom Is My Name

 

Freedom is my name or maybe I keep telling myself that

Tired of all the invisible chains of the adulthood,

Forced to perform well, measured by possessions,

Should do what the others do, caged in normality.

Freedom is my name, I keep telling myself that

Not to forget the sweetness of my dreams coming true

Going against the current of what I was instilled by other,

Possessing different perspective, doing what I love.

Freedom is my name; I don’t belong to anyone but me.

Seeing beauty in what the others despise, dancing wild in my own music

Running like crazy on the green grass, everyone sees dry,

Like a bird I freely fly unbothered, refusing to bent the knee.

Freedom is my name, I don’t gel with what Is expected

Chasing the winds when everyone looks for shelter from the storms;

Pouring rain instead of hair, fire instead of eyes – I ain’t made of clay

I am unmoldable, iron heart from I can’t recognize as mine.

Freedom is my name – I am the untamed one

Whose joy comes from falling inlove with her soul every day,

Refusing to change when the change is not required,

Evolving in my own pace, my life is not a race with other’s timelines.

Freedom is my name – I keep shouting aloud when the world goes silent,

When the lines of my reality are blurred with someone else’s direction,

When the song lose its meaning I refuse to dance,

When lyrics don’t match my voice and vision anymore.

Freedom is my name, I keep telling myself that

Not to settle with less before I try to forge my own path,

It’s like a mantra I chant every time I feel down,

Influenced of what does not reflect me.

Freedom is my name – it is never easy, rarely do I face kindness or understanding

But the power comes from within – I am my biggest critic yet my greatest supporter,

Life is never easy when you walk on your own, against the grain.

Freedom is my name, Bravery is what comes with it.

I don’t look for applauses nor spotlight, I am perfectly contain with what I currently am,

No need of flashy stage, just a small corner where I am what I was always meant to be–

To be fully, wildly, unapologetically ME!

Freedom is my name and I feel FREE!

The Emptiness Within

 

Wake up, work, go home, repeat…

A never-ending time loop as if the world is not moving

Or I am frozen in time without a chance for change – I am suffocating.

Managing expectations of what the adulthood is supposed to be - the opposite of me

I am no longer alive – dead inside.

I walk through days like I live in an abandon asylum – lights are flickering

The corridors are dirty, endless maze of lost hope – lost in time.

Each step I take is humming the same dull song of duty and decay.

The clock is my executioner, the calendar chained to my mind.

I fake my purpose with long to-do lists; endless chain of duties,

Meeting my goals with processes and procedures which keep stealing my spark,

Yet pretending this shell of a life is what I chose – this existence is so wrong.

…

I hate what I have become, enslaved of sick ambitions, never happy,

Always pushing further – it has no end…

I chase goals that vanish once completed,

Like mirages on the edge of reason - living and breathing in the vast corporate desert.

What is success, if it guts me empty?

What is growth, if it costs me my sanity?

I am left so hollow once I get in and out the place that sucks me dry.

This isn’t living – it’s rehearsing death in slow motion - animated version of success.

I want to scream, but I have forgotten how.

My voice is buried beneath countless meetings, bills, and forced chats—

Deafen by the rhythm of a shallow routine,

Drowned out by the noise of doing just enough to get by.

I speak fancy words I don’t mean, smile when I feel nothing,

Nod through conversations that test my patience.

How did I let this happen?

When did the primal instinct for survival replace the desire of living?

When did I stop asking the questions that mattered the most to me?

When did the endless Curiosity of mine became such a luxury, a wonder, a distraction?

I traded my spark for stability I didn’t even want.

Now I measure life in deadlines and quiet disappointments,

Shiny reports and pages of documentation

Burying the questions that once lit up my mind.

Each day feels so borrowed, I have had enough —

A slow drift from who I was to "who I have to be".

And I barely recognize myself anymore - the silence inside me is growing louder.

…

Another weekend, lifeless on the couch with enough to just create something once a week

When emotions running high before the drastic energy decline,

A glimmer of hope and purpose drown into the infinite fatigue.

Words drift in but I cannot make them stay with me – chased by the exhaustion I coupled with.

And I whisper to myself – "Maybe next time" knowing too well I have been lying to myself,

The words I have said countless times – the echo of forgotten promise that feels heavier every time.