Controversy

 

From the land of “Always Winter”

To the house of “Make-Believe”,

From the face of cute and innocent

To the mindless rage of the cruel leviathan.

….

In silent moments of clarity we pulled the strings of the dolls army,

To the sound void of scream matches of who we are supposed to be.

I know we all sound crazy; where are we going with all this?

From the asylum of forgotten people to the prison of look at me,

We all suffer in disjointed thoughts suppressed by those around us.

- Like madmen we are surfing the stormy sea of inner conflicts

Looking for the answers of false identity

As if the beast is dead or sleeping

When in reality, the monster is just you and I.

In the hurricane of lies we are so deeply sucked in

Forced to cooperate to save this precious life; aren’t we all?

And levitating in the trance of tranquility these words are poured into a poem or something close to it.

Confusion often mistaken as a madness; deceptive narrative.

Confessions of a person with volatile nature – unhealthy strive for perfection.

It sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

…

From the dimension of “I can do it all”

To the room of “Why am I so weak”,

We keep getting involved so deeply into the poisonous inner conflicts.

From the place of “Let me help you”

To the path of “I want to see you fail”,

We keep the our fears brewing strong

Waiting for the sublime moment to unleash the bomb of “Can’t you hear me?”

When all we need is just to be put down to sleep -

Sedated with calmness; drugged with sweet dreams.

When rage and fear rule us unconsciously

Then the wicked ego comes triumphant

Leaving us in shambles – the perfect martyrs in the play acting on the perfect stage.

Dreamland Intoxication

 

Full moon, clear starry sky,

Tired from the day-to-day bullshit

Carefully lay the head on the cold pillow,

Exhausted close the eyes.

…

And here we go again trapped in the Dreamland jail,

Faced to relive the punishments we thought we left behind.

In this prison the rules may vary from the crime committed against yourself,

Every word and action carefully curated - let the game begin.

We all have that feeling as we are the main cast of Saw

But here is the twister – who is jailer? Gently look up.

In disbelief we stare at the mirror, who the hell I am up against?

The Jailer in question – Me, Myself and I.

I love this Dreamland prison; I love the mental breakdown we all have

Until we finally admit that the sentence is indeed your way to torture ourselves

In the box of our repressed emotions and thoughts,

The cage of sacrifices not needed, of us being doormats of the fears we all have.

In this unconscious captivity we battle the fears we successfully oppress

In the light of what we are expected to be,

The only way out is to evolve until we are ready to be released.

This Dreamland confinement is our reflection of who we have become,

Incapacitated from this so called reality.

The dream is tough, we cry in our sleep

Until we are ready to be who we are supposed to be.

Then the jailer disappears, no more cages, no more pain.

And if we ended up in an asylum, then we start again.

Chemically unbalanced, surrendered by the day-to-day sham

We are battling our biggest enemy - Me, Myself and I anew.

Grow up, for fuck sake, don’t try to escape!

Haven't you learned anything so far?

Aren't you tired of repeating the same old mistake?

Face the demons, call yourself out and then taste the freedom

Like a hawk gliding in the peaceful bright blue sky!

…

Full moon, clear starry sky,

Tired from the day-to-day bullshit

Carefully lay the head on the cold pillow,

Exhausted close the eyes.

Feel the pleasure of a well slept night,

Full of energy in the morning,

Ready to enrich the day one more time.

Deranged

 

Another day is coming after the sorrow goes away

And the silence takes its place.

Then the inner voice starts whispering insanely

While the soul aches from the torture

Inflicted by oneself's never forgetting brain.

…

Take those memories with you,

I don’t need them anymore.

You took what was mine – human-clad monster

You told me I deserved it the moment I came closer, when the guard was down…

The scars on my body healed in time, empty gaze replaced the spark.

The stars were falling as if my tears want their release – parallel reality.

Am I the victim or the one bringing the doom on myself?

…

My solitude is the prison I forged myself.

I don’t care I’m alone just shatter my soul again

Like you did time and time afresh.

Smash my body on the iron desk,

Let the bruises speak instead of me  - story of cruelty dressed like innocence.

Don’t try to act a fool with kisses and sweet talking,

When violence is invited in the bedroom it is no longer love - monstrosity on display.

…

Hate? It only creates more hate.

You don’t deserve the emotional recognition.

Let the skeletons in my wardrobe stay hidden. 

Here are you staying in front of my door

Waiting for one more invitation to wreak mayhem

In remembrance of the sweet past we once shared.

With no regard to the scars you left me with,

As you call them marks of unhinged pleasure.

You are definitely mentally deranged,

Let me show you how unstable I can get.

…

Now you know how strong I have become,

I knew my acts towards you were wrong…

I’m still the same gentle lady until I switch.

I am sorry I have not warned you about my inner beast,

Enjoy the consequences under the ground,

Chained in my basement six feet deep.

The House of Midnight Craving

 

I keep hearing “Slow it down, take the moment in. Why do you rush it?”

The reason is so simple – I live in my time constrain, a day perfectly planned:

-        - 8 hours dedicated to work, 8 hours of sleep, the rest is dedicated to pleasure and pain.

16 of those hours are boring, masked in the day-to-day grown up bullshit – nothing thrilling, all is plain.

The other 8 is when I feel alive - breaking boundaries, living on the edge.

…

I keep hearing the confessions of broken couples sitting on my couch

How monotonous their life has become.

Unwilling to open their hidden fantasies, face down, shaken by shame.

Even though now everything is on display – they keep hiding behind the good people cover.

And yet in the cloak of the night I keep seeing their man in my house of Midnight Cravings

Indulging in the forbidden satisfaction of SM game.

Dominating in the basic life they pine for submission when no one is around.

So they knock on my door begging for domination to empty their mind.

Another group of men I have are those who crave domination

Oppressed by their controlling wives, asking me to use safe words

Crying to be the one on charge.

They come more often engulfed in pointless stress,

Don’t worry my darlings – I am here to help.

My favourite group is those of fuck boys – the cocky ones

Who think their magic is so infamous,

they keep telling me how all the women dream about them in their bed.

Oh my, they are the worst – imagine teaching first grader how to read and write

With all the confidence gifted from those around.

…

I love to break them all, play with their bodies and minds,

In my house of Midnight Craving writing their stories on my bed.

Some days the pain is enormous, inflicted by the controlled bastards;

Some days the pleasure is insane, walking on the backs of the arrogant work stars,

Some days the laughter is so uncontrolled, I am sorry fuck boys, you are the worst.

This is why I love my job – during the day I am fixing all the damage I have caused you

When you visited the hidden pleasure crib held by me undercover.

…

I keep hearing “Slow it down, take the moment in. Why do you rush it?”

The reason is so simple – I live in my time constrain until I break them all;

Until we are all destroyed in pleasure and in pain.

Sinful Beggar

 

Come to me tonight,

Don’t tell me you are too busy.

I will wait for you like I do every other night;

I know I am your dirty little secret.

Come to me tonight,

Kiss me the way you did it last time.

Hold me in your hands,

Melt me like an ice,

Mold me like clay;

Please be kind, don’t torture me.

Come to me tonight,

I promise I’ll be the angel you want,

No game, no shame

Be my pleasure, be my pain.

I promise I am on my best behavior,

I won’t call you after you are done.

Don’t stay in my dreams anymore,

I promise I won’t regret it!

Let’s sin in the veil of the darkness like we did 2 days ago…

Come to me tonight,

Punish me like I did 2 weeks before,

Let’s explore our filthy sides – we need fun.

Stop hiding into the blackness of your cozy home,

Come to me, please, don’t run…

I promise, I won’t love you a day longer,

I can sense it is coming to an end.

We can’t do it a night or two more,

It’s time for our lustful goodbye

Be mine for last time and then leave me,

Don’t turn your head back,

Just come close for one last play on the stage of the shameful affairs

Kiss me, poison me, torture me as if I am your curse to the point of no return.

Do it for last time, I promise I’ll be kind

And then leave my room and pay me no mind.