Semi-life

 

The life passes by without a single warning,

No fire alarms are set, no safety nets in case we fall

And with teary eyes we run into the silence.

And when it looks so hopeless and depressing

You gently took my hand.

…

The soft kisses left the lips burning hot,

The tight hugs kept the body warm,

But the heart was frozen, just a simple nothing

Tired of the repeating cycle – empty like an endless void.

…

The words were turned into incoherent noises

Annoying to the ears semi-deaf.

No spark into the eyes so jaded,

They can still see but only silhouettes.

There is no color, there is no sound –

A life like silent movie, black-and-white.

…

Woken up in screams and panic,

Fear crawling like a monster from under the bed,

Another try to run and hide into the darkness...

Suddenly a tender grip around my hand shook me,

It took me by surprise until I finally realized

The nightmare is over and the one holding my hand is I!!

Monster In Disguise

 

Quiet night, empty streets,

Steps coming from behind…

Pounding heart – to run or to fight.

Breathless creature, let’s dance on the pavement…

…

Under the moonlight I transform into a beast

I crave the weakness in the eyes of my victim,

The sensation of the danger – can you catch me?

Faceless threat enclosing from the shadows,

The feeling of adrenaline is so intoxicating,

They scream in fear, can you blame them?

…

I wasn’t born a monster but they made me -

A walking demon in the woman’s skin

Feeding of the male cries of pain.

They burn me at the stake of shame,

I still feel the flames gently touching my mortal skin.

In another life they drown me in the cold waters of the frigid winter lake,

They said I am curse for their village – the Devil’s seed.

In my third life they called me succubus reborn,

They tied me and stoned me in the middle of the city center  – I was just a child.

…

Nine lives later, nine deaths and yet I am still here

The perfect weapon for destruction –

Every death and accusation turned me into powerful creature

Tasked with the elimination of the men who hurt women.

I am what they desire most and yet cannot get – reflection of their hidden fantasies

And when I have my fun I mirror their greatest fear - 

This is how I end them, my MO of choice.

The curses their ancestors put on me, their filthy accusations

Now became their worst nightmare -  no one can stop me.

The Devil’s daughter, Lilith reincarnate, 

Gorgon Medusa reborn, Nyx in modern days

I have so many names, chose one, it doesn't matter.

I live on the thin line between the human and the magical worlds,

Barely traceable - I am a walking myth.

I hide behind the dark corners looking for my new hunt.

…

The curse of bearing all the pain of women’s hurt is heavy for the human soul

In such time of crisis a Monster like me is born to lift the dimness of the world.

I cannot die, just sleep silently for centuries until the tears of those in pain wake me

And shift all their dark feelings onto me.

Once I feel the ache crawling in my veins I am ready.

It's payback time!

…

Quiet night, empty streets,

Steps coming from behind…

Pounding heart – to run or to fight.

Don’t rush it my sweet guy –

Andariel will take care of you, no need to hide.

I am your sweet desire, 

I am your special Monster in disguise.

Controversy

 

From the land of “Always Winter”

To the house of “Make-Believe”,

From the face of cute and innocent

To the mindless rage of the cruel leviathan.

….

In silent moments of clarity we pulled the strings of the dolls army,

To the sound void of scream matches of who we are supposed to be.

I know we all sound crazy; where are we going with all this?

From the asylum of forgotten people to the prison of look at me,

We all suffer in disjointed thoughts suppressed by those around us.

- Like madmen we are surfing the stormy sea of inner conflicts

Looking for the answers of false identity

As if the beast is dead or sleeping

When in reality, the monster is just you and I.

In the hurricane of lies we are so deeply sucked in

Forced to cooperate to save this precious life; aren’t we all?

And levitating in the trance of tranquility these words are poured into a poem or something close to it.

Confusion often mistaken as a madness; deceptive narrative.

Confessions of a person with volatile nature – unhealthy strive for perfection.

It sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

…

From the dimension of “I can do it all”

To the room of “Why am I so weak”,

We keep getting involved so deeply into the poisonous inner conflicts.

From the place of “Let me help you”

To the path of “I want to see you fail”,

We keep the our fears brewing strong

Waiting for the sublime moment to unleash the bomb of “Can’t you hear me?”

When all we need is just to be put down to sleep -

Sedated with calmness; drugged with sweet dreams.

When rage and fear rule us unconsciously

Then the wicked ego comes triumphant

Leaving us in shambles – the perfect martyrs in the play acting on the perfect stage.

Dreamland Intoxication

 

Full moon, clear starry sky,

Tired from the day-to-day bullshit

Carefully lay the head on the cold pillow,

Exhausted close the eyes.

…

And here we go again trapped in the Dreamland jail,

Faced to relive the punishments we thought we left behind.

In this prison the rules may vary from the crime committed against yourself,

Every word and action carefully curated - let the game begin.

We all have that feeling as we are the main cast of Saw

But here is the twister – who is jailer? Gently look up.

In disbelief we stare at the mirror, who the hell I am up against?

The Jailer in question – Me, Myself and I.

I love this Dreamland prison; I love the mental breakdown we all have

Until we finally admit that the sentence is indeed your way to torture ourselves

In the box of our repressed emotions and thoughts,

The cage of sacrifices not needed, of us being doormats of the fears we all have.

In this unconscious captivity we battle the fears we successfully oppress

In the light of what we are expected to be,

The only way out is to evolve until we are ready to be released.

This Dreamland confinement is our reflection of who we have become,

Incapacitated from this so called reality.

The dream is tough, we cry in our sleep

Until we are ready to be who we are supposed to be.

Then the jailer disappears, no more cages, no more pain.

And if we ended up in an asylum, then we start again.

Chemically unbalanced, surrendered by the day-to-day sham

We are battling our biggest enemy - Me, Myself and I anew.

Grow up, for fuck sake, don’t try to escape!

Haven't you learned anything so far?

Aren't you tired of repeating the same old mistake?

Face the demons, call yourself out and then taste the freedom

Like a hawk gliding in the peaceful bright blue sky!

…

Full moon, clear starry sky,

Tired from the day-to-day bullshit

Carefully lay the head on the cold pillow,

Exhausted close the eyes.

Feel the pleasure of a well slept night,

Full of energy in the morning,

Ready to enrich the day one more time.

Deranged

 

Another day is coming after the sorrow goes away

And the silence takes its place.

Then the inner voice starts whispering insanely

While the soul aches from the torture

Inflicted by oneself's never forgetting brain.

…

Take those memories with you,

I don’t need them anymore.

You took what was mine – human-clad monster

You told me I deserved it the moment I came closer, when the guard was down…

The scars on my body healed in time, empty gaze replaced the spark.

The stars were falling as if my tears want their release – parallel reality.

Am I the victim or the one bringing the doom on myself?

…

My solitude is the prison I forged myself.

I don’t care I’m alone just shatter my soul again

Like you did time and time afresh.

Smash my body on the iron desk,

Let the bruises speak instead of me  - story of cruelty dressed like innocence.

Don’t try to act a fool with kisses and sweet talking,

When violence is invited in the bedroom it is no longer love - monstrosity on display.

…

Hate? It only creates more hate.

You don’t deserve the emotional recognition.

Let the skeletons in my wardrobe stay hidden. 

Here are you staying in front of my door

Waiting for one more invitation to wreak mayhem

In remembrance of the sweet past we once shared.

With no regard to the scars you left me with,

As you call them marks of unhinged pleasure.

You are definitely mentally deranged,

Let me show you how unstable I can get.

…

Now you know how strong I have become,

I knew my acts towards you were wrong…

I’m still the same gentle lady until I switch.

I am sorry I have not warned you about my inner beast,

Enjoy the consequences under the ground,

Chained in my basement six feet deep.