Toxic Game For Two

Hazel eyes, chocolate skin - a summer evening, where the dream begins.

Your lips, like oranges, sweet and bright - a citrus kiss in the heat of night.

Your touch so soft is melting me in a fiery sway.

A foreign taste, both warm and new; yet I can’t figure out this essence of you.

A spark of poison, a tempting thrill.

Addictive pull, a dangerous game - I can't resist it; I love to play with the flame.

Let me crave this forbidden pleasure - like a snake’s bite, it feels so right.

I sense the danger yet I can’t move on;

It started affecting me - I thirst more.

…

You’re a mystery I can’t quite solve; a rare delight, spiced with fire.

There’s something in your scent, a note I almost know - familiar, yet elusive;

I feel you like a place I’ve yet to go.

Your voice carries a rhythm so foreign that it pulls me in,

Unravels my core leaving me craving, yearning for more.

In my dreams, you live like a soft refrain,

Closer than anyone, yet driving me insane.

You blur the edges of what feels secure and well-known,

You are my thrilling chaos I can't help but keep on coming for more.

Here you are, keeping my mind wide awake,

Every thought of you I compare to a liquor – so dangerous, so mild, so warm.

Are you the hunter, or am I the prey - the lines blur with each passing day.

So let’s play this out, let’s write this story;

Push me, pull me – you claimed me as your own – this dance is not that easy;

This chase of minds, this waltz of chance—an unorthodox, forbidden dance.

 …

I’m the smooth shot that hits your veins,

A buzz you can’t shake, a high that remains.

I am your designer high, so custom-made - that kind of thrill you can’t evade.

When the hunter flips, becoming the prey caught in the rush, you bent to my will.

Pleasure takes over, no time to retrace— this round is mine, I’m winning the chase.

…

I crave the rush of chocolate and fruit – so sweet and yet so bold;

You’re my plaything in this fucked-up scene - I keep it chill while you chase the dream.

The roles flip fast, we’re caught in this heat, - who takes the crown, who admits defeat?

Adrenaline junkies, we’re both addicted to the game - hunter and prey we’re both to blame.

…

Another conversation, another day fades way,

Until you realize—I’m the spider and you’re the fly, tangled in my silky web

So helpless to stray.

Mundane Life

 

Some nights it’s hard to stay sane,

Drunk from memories of never happened, never meant to be,

Some days it’s hard to stay in my lane

Torn between the fairy and the witch within.

As we all know the life is not a fairytale with happy ending

Nor a tragedy of an epic journey to discover who we are.

…

In those nights of pain and misery I call you,

You are always so welcome in my home of emptiness.

The moments we share of forbidden pleasure

Is what keep me level-headed.

Chaos everywhere, not sure what am I supposed to do.

You are my anchor with a taste of poison,

My lullaby with tender voice, my human doll, my shameful all.

I am sorry that I treat you like an object but this is what agreed on.

You a simple mean of calmness when my mind is raging hurricane,

Your warmth is so intoxicating mixed with the sweetness of your skin,

You are my midnight kryptonite, my wicked half with inviting smile to sin.

I am sorry you can’t stay overnight, this is not the deal we signed

I call you, you come and serve your purpose.

Afterwards no conversations, no hugs, no nothing showing closeness

We are not that deep – we are each other’s puppets; this is not love.

…

I am sorry my dear, it’s time to break the deal.

You caught feelings, you want more than what I can offer, I am getting bored.

This was my last call, last minutes that we share in my time with you.

I have found another toy to play this game, no hard feelings.

You want a spouse, I want fun and if you can’t hold your part of the contract

I am terminating it for your own good.

It was nice to share some of my inner fire but if I knew you are getting burnt so quickly

I would have never offered you my chaos, nor the taste of my darkness. 

Damn, it is so sweet.

…

Some nights it’s hard to stay sane,

Drunk from memories of never happened, never meant to be,

Some days it’s hard to stay in my lane

Consumed by my new addictions, my new toys with a taste of liqueur mixed with strawberry

A pinch of salt and a little bit of void that absorb my emptiness.

New contracts, new days, new nights – this is how I see them all

A moment of desire and then back to the mundane tasks at hand.

Bound to Fail

 

Sometimes we get hurt the most by those we call loved ones…

…

Pain, sadness, loneliness…

Are you the one who closed that golden door leading to the dreams coming true?

Are you the one who chose the silence when I needed your words the most?

Are you the one who buried into the ashes the most sacred feelings?

Are you the one who deliberately turned blind eye on me when I was crying my eyes out?

Are you the one who punished me for my choice and actions time and time again?

Are you the one – the Doombringer of my life – peaceful and quiet or hurricane and flood?

Are you the one who has always stayed by my side or the one who chose to leave one more time?

Are you the one who feel pleasure when those around him are in pain?

…

And here we are - the same old story written in the books from all ages.

You are the one who delivered the verdict and I am the one who feels when aches.

A toxic cycle of diminished self-respect and hatred, sadomasochism in its highest form.

But you are just a human, nothing godly in your presence, only words spoken in vain.

You are the one who loves to make me small every day until nothing is left

And I am the one who gathers all the misery and then turn it into a new monstrosity

Until one of us is tired and decides to leave, until then it is like an endless curse

We are bound to each other in unhealthy pleasure from unhealthy pain.

Saint Or Sinner

 

Kissed by thousand lips

I engulfed myself into the pleasures of the flesh.

Touched by thousand hands

I am set on fire even by the slightest osculation.

Buried under the countless bodies I have had

Awakened my femme fatale -

Like a modern witch of the Satisfaction Coven,

Proven to be evil when necessary, even deadly at times - 

Killing souls with a gentle looks, soft kisses

Making you forget the ugliness of the simple life.

…

Oh I am so tired of the boring love songs

That every woman loves to listen to,

New way of keeping the deceit up.

Love will conquer all, does it though?

I want to hear those forbidden tunes of shameless joy

When the primal instincts are in tact

The raw attraction and impulses of playing with the one next to you

Is what really matters in the darkness of the night.

The time when all masks are down showing our true colors

And even if we are frown upon, we keep getting the sweetness

Of that gentle grab around the neck.

Who cares if it is for day or two, or even for a year?

We want to lose our minds in the game of two or even more,

Where nothing is forbidden, where everything is up to us.

Oh, let’s bring up those “filthy” fantasies – games outside the cardboard box,

Neatly hidden behind metal doors, shameful yet intriguing for those who cannot play free.

Why to cage ourselves in shining cages – society is what we are thought to uphold,

The general idea of what we should enjoy.

Oh, my endearing lady, come with me, just for one night.

Let me show you how life could taste – cherry and pineapple, strawberry and vanilla.

You choose, I obey like I have never done before.

Let me free you from the social prison, let me see you reborn.

In my hands I can mold you like no man has ever done before

And if someone tries to judge you send them to me.

I can teach and punish every man or woman, whatever is in demand

I see no difference as long as I get what I think is mine.

…

Here you are afraid of what might happens, shaking from the thought of doing something bad

And yet you are so obedient, I like how I made you mine.

Semi-life

 

The life passes by without a single warning,

No fire alarms are set, no safety nets in case we fall

And with teary eyes we run into the silence.

And when it looks so hopeless and depressing

You gently took my hand.

…

The soft kisses left the lips burning hot,

The tight hugs kept the body warm,

But the heart was frozen, just a simple nothing

Tired of the repeating cycle – empty like an endless void.

…

The words were turned into incoherent noises

Annoying to the ears semi-deaf.

No spark into the eyes so jaded,

They can still see but only silhouettes.

There is no color, there is no sound –

A life like silent movie, black-and-white.

…

Woken up in screams and panic,

Fear crawling like a monster from under the bed,

Another try to run and hide into the darkness...

Suddenly a tender grip around my hand shook me,

It took me by surprise until I finally realized

The nightmare is over and the one holding my hand is I!!

Monster In Disguise

 

Quiet night, empty streets,

Steps coming from behind…

Pounding heart – to run or to fight.

Breathless creature, let’s dance on the pavement…

…

Under the moon light I transform into a beast

I crave the weakness in the eyes of my victim,

The sensation of the danger – can you catch me?

Faceless threat enclosing from the shadows,

The feeling of adrenaline is so intoxicating,

They scream in fear, can you blame them?

…

I wasn’t born a monster but they made me -

A walking demon in the woman’s skin

Feeding of the male cries of pain.

They burn me at the stake of shame,

I still feel the flames gently touching my mortal skin.

In another life they drown me in the cold waters of the frigid winter lake,

They said I am curse for their village – the Devil’s seed.

In my third life they called me succubus reborn,

They tied me and stoned me in the middle of the city center  – I was just a child.

…

Nine lives later, nine deaths and yet I am still here

The perfect weapon for destruction –

Every death and accusation turned me into powerful creature

Tasked with the elimination of the men who hurt women.

I am what they desire most and yet cannot get – reflection of their hidden fantasies

And when I have my fun I mirror their greatest fear - 

This is how I end them, my MO of choice.

The curses their ancestors put on me, their filthy accusations

Now became their worst nightmare -  no one can stop me.

The Devil’s daughter, Lilith reincarnate, 

Gorgon Medusa reborn, Nyx in modern days

I have so many names, chose one, it doesn't matter.

I live on the thin line between the human and the magical worlds,

Barely traceable - I am a walking myth.

I hide behind the dark corners looking for my new hunt.

…

The curse of bearing all the pain of women’s hurt is heavy for the human soul

In such time of crisis a Monster like me is born to lift the dimness of the world.

I cannot die, just sleep silently for centuries until the tears of those in pain wake me

And shift all their dark feelings onto me.

Once I feel the ache crawling in my veins I am ready.

It's payback time!

…

Quiet night, empty streets,

Steps coming from behind…

Pounding heart – to run or to fight.

Don’t rush it my sweet guy –

Andariel will take care of you, no need to hide.

I am your sweet desire, 

I am your special Monster in disguise.

Contravention

 

From the land of “Always Winter”

To the house of “Make-Believe”,

From the face of cute and innocent

To the mindless rage of the cruel leviathan.

….

In silent moments of clarity we pulled the strings of the dolls army,

To the sound void of scream matches of who we are supposed to be.

I know we all sound crazy; where are we going with all this?

From the asylum of forgotten people to the prison of look at me,

We all suffer in disjointed thoughts suppressed by those around us.

- Like madmen we are surfing the stormy sea of inner conflicts

Looking for the answers of false identity

As if the beast is dead or sleeping

When in reality, the monster is just you and I.

In the hurricane of lies we are so deeply sucked in

Forced to cooperate to save this precious life; aren’t we all?

And levitating in the trance of tranquility these words are poured into a poem or something close to it.

Confusion often mistaken as a madness; deceptive narrative.

Confessions of a person with volatile nature – unhealthy strive for perfection.

It sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

…

From the dimension of “I can do it all”

To the room of “Why am I so weak”,

We keep getting involved so deeply into the poisonous inner conflicts.

From the place of “Let me help you”

To the path of “I want to see you fail”,

We keep the our fears brewing strong

Waiting for the sublime moment to unleash the bomb of “Can’t you hear me?”

When all we need is just to be put down to sleep -

Sedated with calmness; drugged with sweet dreams.

When rage and fear rule us unconsciously

Then the wicked ego comes triumphant

Leaving us in shambles – the perfect martyrs in the play acting on the perfect stage.

Dreamland Intoxication

 

Full moon, clear starry sky,

Tired from the day-to-day bullshit

Carefully lay the head on the cold pillow,

Exhausted close the eyes.

…

And here we go again trapped in the Dreamland jail,

Faced to relive the punishments we thought we left behind.

In this prison the rules may vary from the crime committed against yourself,

Every word and action carefully curated - let the game begin.

We all have that feeling as we are the main cast of Saw

But here is the twister – who is jailer? Gently look up.

In disbelief we stare at the mirror, who the hell I am up against?

The Jailer in question – Me, Myself and I.

I love this Dreamland prison; I love the mental breakdown we all have

Until we finally admit that the sentence is indeed your way to torture ourselves

In the box of our repressed emotions and thoughts,

The cage of sacrifices not needed, of us being doormats of the fears we all have.

In this unconscious captivity we battle the fears we successfully oppress

In the light of what we are expected to be,

The only way out is to evolve until we are ready to be released.

This Dreamland confinement is our reflection of who we have become,

Incapacitated from this so called reality.

The dream is tough, we cry in our sleep

Until we are ready to be who we are supposed to be.

Then the jailer disappears, no more cages, no more pain.

And if we ended up in an asylum, then we start again.

Chemically unbalanced, surrendered by the day-to-day sham

We are battling our biggest enemy - Me, Myself and I anew.

Grow up, for fuck sake, don’t try to escape!

Haven't you learned anything so far?

Aren't you tired of repeating the same old mistake?

Face the demons, call yourself out and then taste the freedom

Like a hawk gliding in the peaceful bright blue sky!

…

Full moon, clear starry sky,

Tired from the day-to-day bullshit

Carefully lay the head on the cold pillow,

Exhausted close the eyes.

Feel the pleasure of a well slept night,

Full of energy in the morning,

Ready to enrich the day one more time.

Deranged

 

Another day is coming after the sorrow goes away

And the silence takes its place.

Then the inner voice starts whispering insanely

While the soul aches from the torture

Inflicted by oneself's never forgetting brain.

…

Take those memories with you,

I don’t need them anymore.

You took what was mine – human-clad monster

You told me I deserved it the moment I came closer, when the guard was down…

The scars on my body healed in time, empty gaze replaced the spark.

The stars were falling as if my tears want their release – parallel reality.

Am I the victim or the one bringing the doom on myself?

…

My solitude is the prison I forged myself.

I don’t care I’m alone just shatter my soul again

Like you did time and time afresh.

Smash my body on the iron desk,

Let the bruises speak instead of me  - story of cruelty dressed like innocence.

Don’t try to act a fool with kisses and sweet talking,

When violence is invited in the bedroom it is no longer love - monstrosity on display.

…

Hate? It only creates more hate.

You don’t deserve the emotional recognition.

Let the skeletons in my wardrobe stay hidden. 

Here are you staying in front of my door

Waiting for one more invitation to wreak mayhem

In remembrance of the sweet past we once shared.

With no regard to the scars you left me with,

As you call them marks of unhinged pleasure.

You are definitely mentally deranged,

Let me show you how unstable I can get.

…

Now you know how strong I have become,

I knew my acts towards you were wrong…

I’m still the same gentle lady until I switch.

I am sorry I have not warned you about my inner beast,

Enjoy the consequences under the ground,

Chained in my basement six feet deep.

The House of Midnight Craving

 

I keep hearing “Slow it down, take the moment in. Why do you rush it?”

The reason is so simple – I live in my time constrain, a day perfectly planned:

-        - 8 hours dedicated to work, 8 hours of sleep, the rest is dedicated to pleasure and pain.

16 of those hours are boring, masked in the day-to-day grown up bullshit – nothing thrilling, all is plain.

The other 8 is when I feel alive - breaking boundaries, living on the edge.

…

I keep hearing the confessions of broken couples sitting on my couch

How monotonous their life has become.

Unwilling to open their hidden fantasies, face down, shaken by shame.

Even though now everything is on display – they keep hiding behind the good people cover.

And yet in the cloak of the night I keep seeing their man in my house of Midnight Cravings

Indulging in the forbidden satisfaction of SM game.

Dominating in the basic life they pine for submission when no one is around.

So they knock on my door begging for domination to empty their mind.

Another group of men I have are those who crave domination

Oppressed by their controlling wives, asking me to use safe words

Crying to be the one on charge.

They come more often engulfed in pointless stress,

Don’t worry my darlings – I am here to help.

My favourite group is those of fuck boys – the cocky ones

Who think their magic is so infamous,

they keep telling me how all the women dream about them in their bed.

Oh my, they are the worst – imagine teaching first grader how to read and write

With all the confidence gifted from those around.

…

I love to break them all, play with their bodies and minds,

In my house of Midnight Craving writing their stories on my bed.

Some days the pain is enormous, inflicted by the controlled bastards;

Some days the pleasure is insane, walking on the backs of the arrogant work stars,

Some days the laughter is so uncontrolled, I am sorry fuck boys, you are the worst.

This is why I love my job – during the day I am fixing all the damage I have caused you

When you visited the hidden pleasure crib held by me undercover.

…

I keep hearing “Slow it down, take the moment in. Why do you rush it?”

The reason is so simple – I live in my time constrain until I break them all;

Until we are all destroyed in pleasure and in pain.

Sinful Beggar

 

Come to me tonight,

Don’t tell me you are too busy.

I will wait for you like I do every other night;

I know I am your dirty little secret.

Come to me tonight,

Kiss me the way you did it last time.

Hold me in your hands,

Melt me like an ice,

Mold me like clay;

Please be kind, don’t torture me.

Come to me tonight,

I promise I’ll be the angel you want,

No game, no shame

Be my pleasure, be my pain.

I promise I am on my best behavior,

I won’t call you after you are done.

Don’t stay in my dreams anymore,

I promise I won’t regret it!

Let’s sin in the veil of the darkness like we did 2 days ago…

Come to me tonight,

Punish me like I did 2 weeks before,

Let’s explore our filthy sides – we need fun.

Stop hiding into the blackness of your cozy home,

Come to me, please, don’t run…

I promise, I won’t love you a day longer,

I can sense it is coming to an end.

We can’t do it a night or two more,

It’s time for our lustful goodbye

Be mine for last time and then leave me,

Don’t turn your head back,

Just come close for one last play on the stage of the shameful affairs

Kiss me, poison me, torture me as if I am your curse to the point of no return.

Do it for last time, I promise I’ll be kind

And then leave my room and pay me no mind.

Untold

 

Millions questions left unasked,

Millions decisions left unmade.

Clouds of confusion linger on the vast sky

Waiting for the storm of doubt to rumble;

Rains of regret are pouring, floods of what ifs.

…

In this faithful day I made the last decision,

I wanted this chapter closed.

I expected the rejection, my last proof

That my place was never there.

I wanted this final confirmation before I say my last goodbye

To the materialized reality of childish dream – fully realized brutality.

…

I got my answer, I cannot be surprised from simple-minded people;

The game of chess is not so predictable, lack of thrill.

Let me pack my stuff and leave the fundaments of what I have started to build,

This city is of no use to me – the architects are blind;

The concepts of the building scrapped, changes in plans again.

Those foundations will slowly turn into ruins of make believe

That you are the translator of those with great vision

But failing to understand the complexity of each piece;

It is never too uncomplicated – overlooked complexity.

…

The chapter closed, dead silences awaits me at the gates of the city;

Next time I will make the town of my dreams

Even if the road is thorny and the journey screams to me “Leave it!”.

Next castle will be what I exactly want it to be – a place of endless joy

And a fortress fortified with my own blood, loneliness and self-inflicted agony

- The Builder of my own Tangibility!

Sweet Bitterness

 

Quiet steps in the middle of the night echoes from the opposite side of the hall;

They keep getting louder and louder, shy door knock.

His entrance filled the room with his presence,

Calm and gentle whisper waking me from my deep sleep.

I see him sitting on the rocking chair, air filled with the heavy smell of cigarettes,

The sweetness of his whiskey breath is filling me with fire from within.

One sharp look; I am stunned and then he breaks the silence asking all forbidden questions.

Shall we begin?

…

What do I want???

 – Kiss me and then continue your life as it is.

What do I breathe for?

– For you, obviously!

Why do you want me just now?

Haven’t you had enough of me all those years?

After all these years spent in your cold days and fiery nights

I am not of importance to you.

You call me all those names as if I am not a real man.

Am I an imagination born from convenient desires? – Yes?!

Why do you keep it so quiet when I am looking straight to you?

Are you ashamed of what we did in the darkness of the night?

Why do you keep wasting my time as if my body is all you need?

Why do you keep confuse me?

I am not a toy from your doll collection.

Do you still hate me for all the untold feelings, bottled up in misery?

Wasteland…

Can you even see me? – Yes or no, answer me?

Why do you call yourself my savior?

You still put me down, beat me like a dog.

What is the meaning of your love?

Get me out of your lethal embrace.

Why do you call yourself my healer when the wound still bleeds fresh?

…

What do I want???

 – Kiss me…

And when you are done with your needs forget about me -

My sweet little regret, the death of my hopes and my sweet agony.

I beg one last time - stop this torture, you are the end of everything I hold dear to me!

Choices

 

Broken pieces, unfinished puzzles,

Too many mind games, dangerous pathways,

Countless unknowns…

Which is the right path to take?

Confusion overload, sensory deprivation,

Poisonous chemicals, dizziness to the extreme…

…

In this day and age when being any type of sober is insane,

Simply take the road to madness - the ultimate success.

Vision crystal clear, equipped with tears,

Removing the irritating sands in agony.

We need to see all the lies told with body language.

Sweet deafness overthroned with the morbid sound of truth

The ugliness of the real conversations are overtaking the collective consciousness.

My point is proven – we are intoxicated with false communication

Unable to define the toxic motivation from the words of constant overwork:

- Improve your posture, language and even gaze....

We are unhealthy driven to exhaustion from these ads of "healthy balance"

When the concrete walls of our mind prisons are crushing the sparks of the true self-awakening.

…

We are modern slaves of unlimited consumption of false reality

Where we all demand to be perceived as overachievers,

When actually we are slither into the communal mud of ill ambitions

Of conquering whatever we are told to 

- Mazes and dimensions of pretend tangibility.

…

Broken pieces, unfinished puzzles,

Too many mind games, dangerous pathways,

Countless unknowns…

Voiceless songs, empty words,

New age - mindless poetry.

…

Destroyed by low self-esteem and toxic self-proclaimed leaders

We are marching to our own undoing collectively,

Tied up on cheap leashes we are selling ourselves into the shop of “Who is better than the rest?”;

And like a ragdolls haunted by an innocent entity we try to endure the unavoidable purchase.

We are all short-sighted, comforted of the dream of having special place

When in actuality unbeknownst to us, we hold the key of our own prosperity.

…

Broken pieces, unfinished puzzles,

Too many mind games, dangerous pathways,

Countless unknowns…

And yet the lesson not learned -

Let me sell another piece of me!

Midnight Cravings

 

Same old story, endlessly repeating predicament...

Every night I crave you like a dangerous drug,

I am obsessed with the deepness of your voice.

I have embedded the bitter-sweet scent of you into my soft pillow,

I have locked the emotions of us away, let me have a taste of your poisonous body.

The burning sensation of your touch drives me insane, I am no longer in control.

I am weak like a junkie getting its fix, but don’t overstay -  my cravings have no end.

You are nothing more than a cheap dose of pleasure- dealer of night time gratification;

You are not invited for a night stay, you have two hours,

Then I expect you to walk away of this room filled with sinner’s fragrance - my ultimate descent.

…

Don’t ask me if I am afraid to fall victim into the lover’s romance – you are nothing but a breathing toy.

Don’t ask me if I am afraid you might disappoint me if I allow your presence longer than a day – don’t get too cocky – you are just a man for sin not a company for life.

Don’t ask me if I am going to regret the coldness my actions – my dear doll for pleasure, I treat you like you have no soul, less the human.

You have one task at hand, get the job done and leave me alone.

…

Another night full of cravings, another quick dose of minimal contentedness.

I can see the judgement in your eyes and posture.

I am a heartless monster, yet I have a beautiful disguise.

Another night full of cravings, another hour spent in oblivion,

Don’t come again, not even an inch closer – you’re my last chance for salvation 

And yet my possible upcoming damnation....

I am a dealer of moments, nothing permanent

And if you insist on staying you will lose the privileges of getting all the special treats.

I am an innocent monstrosity hidden in a plain side,

I have my own agenda and it's called "I do whatever I want"!!!

Last Goodbye

 

I am finally snuggled in the dark corner of my old room

Filled with sadness, emptiness and anger over my loss.

I don’t like how powerless I feel

Drained in tears, I won’t be able to see you again.

The inevitable void consumes my whole spirit

And in desperation I scream – Please forgive me!

Forgive me for all the days I did not show up when I you needed me,

Forgive me for all the times I came by for shorter period than an hour,

Please forgive foolishness of the young me taking all time for granted!!!

And now when you are no longer here, I can’t stop the guilt

For missing all the birthdays just because – countless excuses,

For not calling more often just because, another missed moment.

…

I have not had the power to shed my tears when I had to,

You taught me how a strong woman should carry herself.

I have not had the courage to raise a toast for you,

My funny bones were cut off my personality.

Please forgive my weakness even now,

When I cannot tell another joke – my inspiration is gone without you.

I know you hated these long goodbyes, you loathed the unnecessary sadness.

I will miss the words of your encouragement, how capable I am in your eyes

And with the look of a naughty child to slip a little dark-humored remark.

Forgive me grandpa, I have failed you for one last time,

When I lost my composure when the bells tossed to remember your life,

I was not able to pick up the pieces, that your absence was giving us.

In your memory I am writing this ode for a life of a good man – caring and loving, yet strict and just,

I am a mare reflection of your grand essence and I vow to uphold the standards installed by you in me.

This is my first bow in front of your bohemian aura which filled my life with joy,

My second bow is for the unweaving support you gave me, even though my thoughts were far too distant for you to understand and yet you never questioned me.

My third and final bow is for your strong persona, finding all the good when the life looks like it will crumble under the pressure of our lives weight.

Thank you for being such an inspiration for a generation you couldn’t figure out.

My last request is to look upon me, taking care of my poor soul,

And when the life gets even harder don’t be shy (I know you won’t)

Just whisper our inside joke in my ear and I will find the strength for fight and grow.

Goodbye, my dear grandpa, may your soul rest in eternal peace

And if we get another lifetime, please be my grandparent or any other of my immediate family.

Maniac In Pain

 

I am wandering alone in the darkness yet again,

Drunk again from the excruciating pain and loneliness,

Drunk from the loss of long forgotten dream.

…

I was longing to be someone else’s support system,

I was longing to be some else’s focal point,

I was longing to be some else’s beautiful dawn,

I was longing to be some else’s solace,

I was longing to be some else’s sunny day!

…

However, the dawn is not ready to grace me with its presence yet,

The Sun set into my self-induced desperation.

And the moon screamed in front of my poor judgement.

She brought the tide of tears, engulfed my bright thoughts

As if my mind is covered with low cliffs, no coasts;

The waves suffocated my desires!

I bid farewell to my impossible fantasies.

…

I am wandering alone in the darkness yet again,

Drunk from the misery of my impaired instincts.

I barely can see the furious fighter inside me –

I am tired and alone.

I am trying to fight it, no partner to correct my moves,

The ring of the starless night is only mine.

I am absent-minded even though my dreams 

Where to be someone else’s biggest supporter, 

The cheerleader on the bench of happiness.

I don’t long anymore to be drawn in the pool

Of somebody’s soft and cheerful laughter.

…

I am wandering alone in the darkness yet again,

Drunk beyond my memory,

Please don’t make me explain how hard is to keep me afloat

Of the big hole full of disdain.

The pains of the past mistakes no longer serve me,

They keep me dead inside, unmotivated to solve what troubles me today,

They killed what was left from me, faded image of the days of easiness.

My drunken soul buried the flames of life under the mud of self-loath,

It keeps me in this intoxicated state not to lose control, detained.

No more sparkles, no more blue sky,

What I am hungry for is the torment;

I feel the hunger for hatred and shame,

I am infected with a new type of virus,

More dangerous than cancer,

Spreading like a lake of wildfire

Until I am burnt in disgrace –

No memories – NEW FACE!

Haunted House

 

Welcome to my haunted house!

Feel the creeping coldness gently kissing your soft skin,

Shiver slowly when the icy breath walks down your spine.

Welcome to my haunted house

Where is hidden the painful pleasure.

Don’t go into the Emerald room on the first floor,

You might find the forbidden desire to undress your soul.

Oh well, my dear, let me look at your naked essence

Stripped from every prejudice built from the outside pressure.

The colourless prudence does not suit you,

Let me take you to the boudoir of colours,

To bathe the in Red of your inner longings,

Pour the Purple of your femininity to this lovely hot tub,

Embrace your darkness – this is the magic of my haunted house.

Then gently add the Blue of your inner strength, feel the tension...

Does it taste too sweet for your liking?

Or maybe take the Green of the unknown forces,

Make it a party game, bathe in the lust you bottle up so hard.

And now rub gently the pink of your innocence on your soft skin,

I want to watch you quiver, align what the body and the soul crave the most.

Be honest with yourself, my haunted house is a safe space,

Entwine yourself around my wicked aura.

Don’t be scared, I won’t bite you yet.

Oh, my dear sinless child, let me show you how wicked you can get,

Drop the act, I am not the Goddess who judge, be truthful to who you are.

Maleficent people are not invited in my haunted house,

I designed this place as magical mirror – to uncover your secret self

And then with the power of every satisfied need to stick to the new You.

…

Welcome to my haunted house!

Some call it the Sinner’s den because every unveiled truth of you

Will force you to embrace the ugliness of your self-oppression

Until you get drunk from all the pleasures and unraveled confidence!

Until you finally accept the power of your inner wickedness,

I will never leave you alone,

I will toy with your quivering body,  

I will play dirty mind games with your spirit until you realize

That my haunted house is the Freedom’s nest

Where all you need to learn is how to be able to express YOUR TRUE SELF!!!